From Our Home To Yours

I wasn't very good about Christmas festivities this year.....for many reasons.  However, I am eager to welcome the new year celebrating with my four spectacular children.  While I neglected to mail Christmas cards....I did want to take a moment to update everyone and document our year as a family.

Batini Family 2010

Tara-Mom-This year has been one of triumph, pushing my body beyond limits I never thought possible and recognizing the glory of my Father in Heaven in my life.  Overall for me 2010 has been the greatest ever.  It started with transitioning a baby into this world and then on to the enjoyment of good people in my life.  I watched four children grow and achieve, nurtured my relationship with my savior, witnessed miracles, loved deeply, started an awesome career and cultivated new and old friendships... all while enduring the daily stresses of life that we all encounter along the way. With so much goodness, happiness and joy, I have to say 2010 was a pretty great year.

Taron-12 yrs-  This year brought new experiences for Taron.  He turned 12 and accepted the priesthood.  He is second counselor in the Deacons Quorum.  This year his football team went undefeated until the championship game.  A natural gift for music, Taron has continued studying the piano and saxophone.  He picked up a new sport by wrestling for 7th grade @ Franklin Middle School.  I understand why Heavenly Father wanted him to be my first born.  He is wonderful to his baby sister and helps me so much as the man of the house.  He is very handy with tools and is always hammering, drilling or tightening something.

Keaton-10 yrs-  Keaton is very proud of his babysitting experiences this year.  He likes the responsibility and enjoys watching children.  This was his first year playing tackle football.  His team struggled to win but Keaton played his heart out and was fun to watch.  He has really taken off on reading.  It is fun to watch him re-tell the story he is reading...as if I have never read a book.  I love his passion and desire.  Keaton is enjoying the scouting program and hopes to go all the way.  He loves to cook and try new foods.

Isabella-7 yrs- Watch out world, Bella is on her way.  Bella is all girl.  She loves girls night, painting finger nails, jewelry and earrings.  Music and dancing are her passion.  This year she has been in ballet/tap/jazz as well as starting a tumbling class.  She loves it all.  She is an awesome big sister, always willing to help with Olaya, yet she still loves her one on one time with Mom.  This year she has started developing her own sense of style leaving the frilly dresses for more stylish knee high boots and sleek dresses.  She continues to thrive in school and loves talking about all her friends.

Olaya - 10months-  I start weeping at the thought of our Olaya.  She has been a breathe of fresh air and a cool breeze on a hot day.  Do you believe in magic? We do.  She is magic to us.  Olaya is animated and playful.  I am confidant she believes when we go to church or the store all the other people are there to see and make over her (and ritely so...cause everyone does).  In sacrament meeting she plays games with everyone around us.  We had our first health scare when on Christmas day she got really sick and Sunday was admitted to the hospital.  One week later we can't even tell she was ever ill.  She is exploring all the time.  Lately she can be found dancing to the music with her whole body, singing along to the radio and taking her first steps.  She already has four teeth on top and two on the bottom.  I love each new achievement but want to pull her close and tell her not to be in such a hurry to grow up. 

Many thanks to all our friends and family that have loved us through this year.  We are blessed beyond measure and count all of you as blessings in our lives.  More than anything we have grown closer as a family and closer to our Father in Heaven this year and look forward to another great and marvelous year to come.



Love you all.

Happy New Year!!



Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts Official Video

This song is haunting...I heard it while in the salon with Dianna. "Our" favorite part is when she says "it took so long just to feel alright, remember how to put back the light in my eyes"

Although half alive right now.....I am headed back. I can feel it. The light is inside me. My children are my everything. In them, the love of my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ, I will remember how to put the light back in my eyes.

Back In Therapy

Today I had a long awaited session with my therapist....or as some call her...my hairdresser.  For the last three years I have been seeing Dianna.  She did my nails prior to and through my courtship with Abete.  The day before I got married I spent three hours in her salon for the full treatment.  Then a couple days before Olaya was born I was with her and scheduled a pedicure for the coming Friday to help induce labor with her foot massage....never made it to that appointment.  Olaya came on her own.  So it is easy to say she has seen me through some big transitions.

Dianna and I belong to different religions.  However, I can talk with her about my belief in God and as long as I stick to the Bible we are on the same page.  With the new job, new marital status (official in two more weeks), Christmas and a plethora of other things, I scheduled an appointment with her for today to be with me through another transition.  Since I had not seen her since September...before Abete lost his job in Pennsylvania for alcohol, before the disclosure of the girlfriend.....when making the appt I briefly mentioned we had a lot of things to discuss.  With nothing more than that said, I walked into my appt today and first thing she got up from her station...she was with a client...walked over to me and gave me a big hug.

We visited, laughed, shared, sang some songs, cried, joked, discussed scripture, talked about healing, supported and overall caught up.  She knows women come to see her to make "themselves beautiful" but she will also say it is more than that.  Being in the salon is a safe zone.  We can feel uplifted.  Don't get me wrong...not once is there any man bashing.  Mostly we discuss how God is my partner.  He is the man I can count on, turn to and trust.  Since I was there for four hours, we talked over many things in her life and in mine.  When I left, the physical difference was curlier hair and nicer nails.  The emotional difference can't be defined. 

Near the end, as she was rinsing out my hair from a perm (yikes first one in 15 years) she leaned down and whispered....In case I forget to tell you before you leave.....You Will Be OK. 

Yes, Yes.  I will be OK.

Thanks Dianna.....I heart you!!!  Can't wait to be back in regular sessions now that I am a working girl.

Though Your Heart Is Aching

My sister Sharen gave me a CD a few weeks ago and it wasn't until Tuesday morning as I drove to work that I was able to listen to it.  This song came on as I was emotional after leaving Olaya with the babysitter.  I cranked it up, let it repeat once or twice until I drove up to work.

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

With all the things going on the last few months......

this song encapsulates how I try to approach each day.

I am not strong.....

not it the way so many people think.

Maybe if I hide my sadness,

one day

 it won't be there anymore.

Thanks Sharen....I love playing this song each day.

Also....Rolling, rolling...rolling down the river.

Gotta love Glee cd's.

Blessed Beyond Measure

Back in high school chemistry days, I remember being told "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."  And so it is true today.

Right after I got home from work...yes I got a job, another post on that blessing....my visiting teachers stopped by.  As we were visiting, I heard a knock at the door.  Opening the door, I found a large UPS box.  After bringing it inside, as I sat with my "sisters", I looked down at the label.  The package was addressed to Olaya and Belle Batini.  The sender was Kala Batini....AKA Abete's girlfriend and mistress.  The blessing....I was in the comfort of loving friends to sustain me.  Giving myself a moment to contemplate those words, I realize the two of them deserve each other and he is not even worthy of my pity.  For a woman to show complete disregard for the sanctity of marriage and the lack of consideration for anyone (Belle and Olaya) but herself only shows the complete absence of any moral character on her part.  Having my visiting teachers with me allowed me to face the situation and move right past it without more than just a blip on screen.  I believe they were placed in my home right at that moment for a reason.

Next, while the name on the package shook me, there are more blessings showered - I don't mean a sprinkle - I mean torrential down pouring of blessings brought upon my family.  Christmas Angels are guarding, visiting and residing in my home.  These angels come in gifts left on my doorstep for the last 8 nights by two separate families, a card from a  family in the ward, that I don't even know very well but do admire very much, wishing for the blessings of Christmas to find our home filled with a monetary gift to help me, an anonymous donation given to the Bishop and then passed to us, a job offer that will allow me to provide for my beautiful family, four sweet angels that guide, lift and sustain me, a home teacher that gave me the most beautiful blessing of comfort and peace, my dad that also gave me a blessing as I transition to being a working mother and bread winner, awesome friends that check in with me, awesome friends that let me rant, cry and then laugh with me (laughter through tears is my favorite emotion), husbands of my friends that know and accept I will be a third wheel in their social activities now, a dedicated friend that is giving me time to heal, my visiting teacher that has offered to watch Olaya in her home so I don't have to place her in a child care center just yet, my mother, my touchstone, the first one I call with good and bad news....she is my lighthouse, the scriptures that are speaking to me and the love of my savior that confirms every day that life is good, I am loved and there is greatness in store for me and my little family. 

While I can see evil in its worst form pulling at my family, I can see an even stronger opposite reaction embracing my family in love and support.  My blessings can't be numbered and my heart feels ready to burst, not from sadness but from joy and love.

Really Quick

I am currently collecting a list of thoughts I want to share

but for now all I can get out is....

Never in my life

have I felt more love,

felt my heavenly Father guiding my every move,

been surrounded by an army of support,

have the scriptures spoke to me so loudly,

have I been so excited for the future,

have my children made me more proud and joyful,

did I know that I am destined for greatness.

The winds are raging, the waves are crashing,

but I have never felt more at peace than

I do at this moment.

Peace, Be Still

I have been searching and searching.....

and here you are.

Peace, Peace Be Still

9 Months

I didn't think she could get more beautiful.....

But with each day.....

She does.

These days she is climbing and exploring everywhere.

We all enjoy the spirit she brings into out home.

Day 5 of Change

This week I turned my mental energy to focusing on the many joys in my life.  Since Abete's announcement I have gained 10 lbs.  UGH!!  Although I was trying to survive, that isn't a way to live.  It wasn't until a friend told me how uncertain I had become.  It seems I was needing constant validation and attention to make me feel right with being me.  I understand why I did this as did my friend.  However, that behavior can no go on for very long.  In a bold move (and much needed), my friend told me it was exhausting feeding my constant need for approval.  Reminding me that others need to have their day, I realized I had absorbed myself in my own sadness and needs and stopped concerning myself with others.

I realize all this was a defense mechanism.  After discovering your husband has taken a girlfriend and wants to be with her (seems because she has money to give him), it does take some time to feel OK with me.  Certainly I am not entirely there yet, but now I am headed in a healthier direction.  I started eating better.  Using Body Wise shakes and eating plan has helped dramatically.  Monday I began the 30 day challenge on my Wii Active.  Surprisingly it is quite the challenge.  The kids and I have been doing a PM Yoga workout together in the evening instead of plunking down for TV watching.

As always, the hardest time or me is once kids are in bed and the house is quiet.  This is the time I start to feel lonely and anxious.  I recognize my behaviors.  Many times I can stay on plan all day to only fall apart just before going to bed, consuming more calories in an hour than I had during the rest of the entire day.  This week I have used sugar/fat free fudgesicles and nonfat light desert flavored yogurt as my soothing remedy.  I realize I may never be able to completely stop that desire for comfort in the evening but I can make better food choices to fulfill it.  The way I was doing it caused me to hate myself for giving in and then I would feel so bad the next morning I didn't always jump back on plan.  This way I am pleased with my choice, my immediate need is met and in the morning I feel capable of staying on plan.

So today, I started with my workout, drank my shake, have a menu planned for today and am so very grateful for a much needed reality check.  Don't think I still don't love validation from others but I can see I need to make a diligent effort to be confident in me.

Thanks to everyone for your love and support.  Hug someone today!!!

Dance Baby

There are days Belle can make me crazy.

And there are days I pull her close,

never wanting to let her go.

Watching her dance makes me happy because it makes her happy.

For most of her practice time lately I have been shuttling

up to the middle school to pick up Taron from wrestling practice.

But when I do get a chance to watch her,

it is on of those moments when the rest of the world stops.

The world stops spinning when my baby dances.

Beautiful Belle,

Thank you for sharing your love and joy with me.

Having you in my life brings more gifts than I ever could have imagined.

Love,

Momma