Love Mornings Like This

For the last little while I have woken to two boys downstairs playing/fighting. I am not the best morning person when relating to others. I do like to get up early but I like it quiet and peaceful. The playing and laughing I enjoy if they would be getting ready at the same time. Usually, I end up yelling down at them, getting frustrated and then the laughing turns to screams as the boys transition from playing around to getting mad at each other. So by the time the kids run out the door to catch the bus we are all upset with each other. I do not like it.

Yesterday, I did nothing. I just listened to them. I decided I would not contribute to the negative atmosphere I was sensing coming from downstairs. I got Belle ready and she was out the door in plenty of time to have prayer with me and then casually walk to the bus stop. The boys came up and were shocked we prayed and she left without them. I calmly explained they are old enough to watch the time. When they get up 60 minutes early and choose to fight and play instead of get ready a natural consequence is to walk to school and miss family activities (not that I would let them miss family prayer regularly but it made a big impact today).

I then went on to share with them my ideal morning, comparing it to what is happening now. I told them I would love if they had time to watch a few minutes of cartoons, read a little, play x-box or Wii or just visit with me. Explaining a morning filled with a calm atmosphere can make all the difference for the rest of the day, I told them I will do my part but I need them to do theirs. They both agreed.

This morning I woke to Taron in the shower and Keaton downstairs getting ready. They were dressed, beds made, teeth brushed and backpacks ready 20 minutes early. It was beautiful. They all enjoyed an activity of their choice for a few minutes and we had family prayer without being rushed or me yelling, "GET IN HERE NOW" before trying to kneel in prayer and then rush them out the door. Everyone left with smiles and helping each other. I know it may not happen every morning, but I think the kids see the difference (Taron commented on how nice the morning was in fact) and will strive to have more mornings like this.

I expect more out of my children but realized the change started with me. I had to be a better example. I pray I can continue striving for mornings like today.

Wish You Were Here

I am counting down...like everyone else....but not for the turkey and all the trimmings. My husband is coming home Wed. night. This last month has been a real trial. Yet we chose to allow this time to draw closer to each other. I am grateful to live in a time where we can send pictures, talk as much as we can without long distance bills and find ways to show our love even though we are miles apart. This stretch has been over a month. I am ready for my lover to be by my side. Hurry home baby!! I am needing you.



I have to say that I am worried about sleeping together....no not that way....I have a very specific way to sleep these days with the big belly. I use all our pillows and if they are even a little out of place, I have a miserable night. Keaton slept with me the other night and any movement he made or if he touched me I was up for a while. I am sure I will adjust. Sorry baby...the cuddling as we sleep days may be over for a while.



Happy Thanksgiving!!

Dr. Visit 24 weeks

So from last months visit I am up 4 lbs. (still down from when I started though), blood pressure good but +1 on protein in my urine. Have to go have that retested on Monday. MUST PUSH FLUIDS!!! I didn't tell the nurse I am existing on cake, pie and milk these days. Otherwise everything else looked great. I love listening to Olaya's heart beat. Sweet music to my ears.

I had to wait just a little bit in the waiting room and was able to enjoy some time with another mother. We all have a story. We all have great joy and experience overwhelming pain. It was nice to hear a little bit of her story. I didn't even share anything about my current struggle but I felt lifted talking to her as she nursed her baby and prepared to head home. I was sad when they called me back. I could have visited with her all day. Don't you love connecting with other human beings?

For a few minutes, I was consumed with the life of another daughter of God while laughing at the joys of the beautiful 7 week baby in her arms. To my anonymous new friend, God Bless You on your journey.

Thanks for sharing 10 minutes of your life with me.

Love Having Guests With Gifts

This evening I got a frantic call from my Bishop. I hear him blurt out, "My phone is going to die. I have a turkey, rolls and pie from the dinner tonight, would you like them?"

Yes, I say. Click...his phone died.

Guess what I am enjoying right now....I still have an entire German chocolate cake (minus one slice) on the counter but tonight I am indulging in a beautiful cherry pie with a little vanilla ice cream. I know what you are thinking....I must be comforting my sorrows with food....but really I am not. Or you could say I am pregnant....and yes I am but truth is when someone gives you a cherry pie, I believe the proper response it to eat it.....right away. :)

Kids are asleep, long day at school, presentation in class, got home and since we missed family reading night at the school due to my class, had picnic dinner in the living room while I read to the kids, news is on and I am loving my treat. Savoring beautiful moments.....so they happen to involve food...what is a girl to do??

So Many Blessings . . .

I can testify to the beauty of the spirit of our Heavenly Father in people everywhere. This afternoon I was working on school stuff in the computer lab at ISU and ran into a classmate. We really don't know each other. She sits on the other side of the room but once we had a brief talk during one of our breaks.

Today as we visited, she asked how the pregnancy was going (even if she forgot from before, hard to hide that I am now). We laughed about pregnancy stories and then she asked about Betz. I tried not to show my hesitation but she sensed something was wrong. We spoke some more. I shared with her a little of the challenge we are facing. Funny, she married a guy from Canada and had a little knowledge of the process (she also went through a divorce and shared that experience with me as well- we all experience pain and trials). She looked at me and said she felt I needed a hug and hoped it was ok. YES!! I love hugs! I think she needed one as much as I did. We then exchanged numbers and said if either of us needed someone to talk to we now could talk.

A few hours later, I was still in the lab working. My phone said I had a picture message and when I checked it, she had sent me a picture of the Savior. I think this is my favorite forward ever! I saved it as my main screen. Now, each time I look at my phone I get to look at my Redeemer. (The same picture at the top of this post.)

Blessings come in all sorts of ways. Thanks Mickey for your sweet words, open heart and open arms.

In other news....I made a German chocolate cake to indulge in this evening. I am going to frost it, then sit and watch Biggest Loser. Is there a better way to spend a Tuesday evening?

It Is Out... Finally

We have been waiting for over two months for this tooth to finally wiggle out. The adult tooth came in long ago. After a visit to the dentist, nothing was done. He said to wait and let it wiggle out by itself. In the picture you can see the adult tooth already full grown. Hopefully it will move forward. I can already see the next one breaking through and the baby tooth is not loose either.

This evening Keaton (our master tooth puller) told Belle he would get it out and he did. After just a few minutes of wiggling Belle came out of the bathroom with a cloth to her face, no tears and a big smile. Good job Keaton!!

Meet Our Soccer Player

This evening as I was laying on the couch, I could feel Olaya kicking up a storm. Then I realized I could feel it on the outside as well. I called the kids over and each one of them took a turn feeling our little girl practicing for soccer (as Taron puts it).

I love this time. I can't wait for her father to experience this over Thanksgiving. By then we will be feeling her even stronger.

SEND ME AN ANGEL

It seems all the money we paid to the attorney to handle this process and provide us "peace of mind" must have been spent on something else. I was on the phone to them at 9:00 a.m. At 2:00 p.m. I had heard nothing. After a few comments about the assistant and her inability to handle a fax, I received an apt for 11:00 a.m. tomorrow. I was kind during this conversation but direct. Her negligence won't affect her but this is my life on the line here. I realize it may be just another day at the office. But for me, this could be 24 hours less that I have with my husband.

For now, that is all the news I have. Not what I was hoping for. I did not sleep at all last night and I am praying tonight I can rest a little.

Yet, I must say, I am very grateful for the health and strength of my family. I can't imagine dealing with this and also having an illness to navigate. I am grateful to be surrounded by a loving support system. I am grateful to have knowledge and the intelligence to research and understand what is happening. I am grateful for my citizenship in the United States of America. I am grateful for the knowledge my Father in Heaven loves me. He is aware of my struggles. I love being a mother to three amazing children. They are strong, wise, happy and most of all, they love me. I am grateful for Olaya. I feel her move inside me and am reminded of the love her father and I have. I am reminded of the purpose we have to come to this earth and gain and body and be tested. I am still experiencing waves of fear and discouragement but quickly my blessings are before me and I am able to push forward.

Loves and Our Best,
Tara

Love My One Commenter

McKenna.....thank you, thank you, thank you. Love your words and love you make time to comment on my blog. I don't write it for the comments...it is a documentary for me and my posterity......but it is also to get feedback. I know we both struggle with husbands being away and many other things in common.

For those that don't comment....I love you. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you gain something by reading it...a break from your day, a laugh, a cry, a smile or even gratitude for your life. I appreciate your silent thoughts.

Loves to all......
Tara

I Love the Sabbath

Last night I had a crazy crazy dream. I was 6 weeks from my due date and little Olaya decided to come. I was at the hospital and Dr said it was fine to deliver. I asked if my husband had time to make it in. For some reason he was in San Antonio (not Fiji). Since my deliveries are usually only a few hours I asked if he thought this one would happen fast. He felt it would. Two days later I still had not delivered.....I woke up before Abete or Olaya got there. WEIRD!!!

Next, church today was wonderful. The support I felt from my ward family was overwhelming. I am a true believer in the healing powers of human contact. Today that belief was reaffirmed. We should really hug more often....all the time....not just when people are facing challenges. Can you imagine all the good that would be spread? I was hugged. I was cried with. I was loved. Thank you to all my dear sisters in Relief Society that filled the row I was on to be close to me. Not for one moment was I alone today at church (even while in the restroom so I could continue telling all that is happening-LOVE YOU KELLI!!!).

I sang with the choir in sacrament meeting. The healing power of music is also my testimony. I love to sing. The sabbath music fills me with sweetness. I am glad I can stand shoulder to shoulder with those that sing praises unto the Lord. And thanks to my Mom for joining me today in sacrament meeting to hear me sing. I know she had already been to her meetings and had to go to work for a few hours but she stopped to sit with me for an hour.

I know it is sometimes hard to understand when people go through trials. Maybe we have been hurt by that person in the past or don't have all the information about why things are happening for someone. Maybe we question if they did this to themselves. These are all valid possibilities. However, that is not how the Lord wants us to respond. Satan is the only one that would want us to question someone's pain. Our role as saints, friends, family is to lift those around us. Embrace them. Comfort them. Mourn with them. I felt encircled today by my ward family. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

2 Nephi 1:15

" . . . I have beheld his glory,

and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.

I am so grateful for a loving supportive husband. We are dealing with this situation apart from each other. We speak as often as we can. He lifts me as we discuss the strength we must have to get through this. I love you Abete Batini. You are my light and my rock. You are worth fighting for even when I feel I have no more fight in me. Thank you for working so hard to provide for your family. Thank you for not being discouraged when we talk. Thank you for allowing me to be angry and afraid and then calming my fears with your knowledge of the Savior and his love for us. Thank you for believing I am worth fighting for. I will follow you to Fiji if I have to.

Ether 12:66

And now, I, Moroni,

would speak somewhat concerning these things;

I would show unto the world

that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen;

wherefore, dispute not because ye see not,

for ye receive no witness

until after

the trial of your faith.

This is the trial of our faith and we will endure to the end. All my love to you. Your words (leave comments-hint) mean everything to us. Thanks to all our friends and family who joined in our fast. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we continue to pray for all those we love and care for.

Tara

After The Trial . . We Will Be Blessed

In the tangle of emotions I am experiencing, I find the only way to purge the constant thoughts in my head is to put them on paper. I am grateful for my blog as a way to express my thoughts.

Since our marriage, along the path Abete and I chose to follow we have had many markers that we had to pass before we knew we could truly enjoy the blessings we are entitled to receive. Ultimately our goal is to be an eternal family. We were both searching for this prior to meeting. Our first miracle was finding each other. This journey has not been easy. We have struggled with differences in culture, children, identifying our new roles as a couple, gainful employment, distance, our pasts, the criticism of others and just the everyday challenges couples face. However, we have also experienced great joy. I have felt the love of a man so true, it has almost been to much to take in. I watch my boys with Abete and the beautiful relationship they are building. He is a great leader and example to them. We felt the love of being united with Isabella in the courtroom of Judge Murray when Abete legally became her father. We continue to draw closer to one another through our challenges. We enjoyed the news of Olaya coming to join our family. Through this pregnancy we have come closer together. The sickness I experienced during the first three months taught me to be humble and allow my husband to help me when I could not do the things I would have liked to do. It taught him to be patient and place his wants and needs beneath those of his family. The blessings have been great.

In August we sent off the paperwork for permanent resident status for Abete. Based on previous occurrences in Abete's life, we were told by our attorney of some undesirable possibilities in the process ahead. Although we were aware of this, we relied on our faith and love for each other that all would be well. For me this has been a learning experience. Knowing someone else....someone in a room, with a title, with no personal interest in my life, has the authority to take away a loved is incomprehensible but not something I am unfamiliar with.

The journey I endured in bringing Belle into my family was similar. After she was placed in my care at 10 months old, I knew she and I were meant to be together. I felt a bond with her that didn't even make sense to me. I was single. A divorced mother with two boys. What was I doing thinking I could adopt a baby girl on my own? Over the next three years there were many starts and stops, boulders to climb and pain and anguish. Finally, it is my belief, the Lord provided a way, even when man tried to intervene, to unite Isabella and myself. I know miracles happen. So now as we face another trial, I am comforted to know miracles happen.

The Lord is with us through all things. Yesterday I opened a letter from immigration expecting one response. All thoughts centered on the idea all would be well. However, upon opening the letter, everything I expected was not found. Our application was denied. According to the letter, deportation is imminent. We do have an opportunity to file and appeal within 30 days but the letter is grave and discouraging.

I can not begin to express the spectrum of emotions I am experiencing, then until now. Fear and anger being prime. Where Lord has the comfort gone I felt so strong during the day? I don't deny I went through, and at moments feel abandoned by the Lord, even now. I know this is Satan trying to discourage me. But a good friend reminded me today, I don't have to be strong all the time. The Lord will carry on for me. I can break down. I can be afraid. I can feel lost. I worry for our Olaya and what will happen when she is to come to this Earth. I ask if her father will be here. I have so many questions.

I will call the attorney on Monday morning and hopefully will gain some understanding. He may also only confirm our worse fears. For now, I go back and forth between comfort and fear. For now, we are beginning a special fast for this situation. Our names have been added to the temple in Idaho Falls and Vernal. With these things I take great comfort. I know this is a trial of our faith. We are taught, "Jesus said without me, ye can do nothing." We must be firmly attached to him. I am holding to that.

Today as I have spoke to family and friends (thanks Cheryl, Uncle Dan, Kendra, Faye, Mom, Maria, Michele, Kindra and Anna) their words of comfort have lifted me. Maybe not always with great words of wisdom, but with their love and support of me and my family. I also found myself on LDS.org. This site has special meaning to me. Whenever I have a question, I know it is a place I can turn to and find answers. There is either a talk, a scripture or even a picture that I can look to and receive comfort. Today I went to the site and found this great video.

Youre-Never-Alone

In it she talks about a marathon and feeling discouraged in the 20th mile. Well this is my 20th mile. I feel lost and afraid as she did. Like me, those around her cheered her on and she was able to endure to the end where she found all was well. I know this is my trial. This is OUR trial.

Our ultimate goal is to be an eternal family. What man (immigration) is doing can not change our eternal happiness. This will be difficult but we will endure and we will be an eternal family. As a couple/family we are working to go to the temple. I am hoping this will not postpone this. I am worried Abete may have to leave the country before we can be sealed in the House to the Lord for Time and All Eternity. We will be together no matter where we end up. Fiji. Idaho. Utah. Of those things I am certain. Of our love and commitment as a family I have no doubt and am buoyed by the Love of My Savior.

Again, if anyone would like to join in our fast it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you to everyone for your love and support. Peace be with all of you and may you also be able to feel the comforting love of the Savior envelope you in your trials.

Tara

Happy 10th Month

Just want to wish my man a happy 10th month anniversary. We have almost made it to a year. So many things coming down the pipeline over the next few months and all will bring great and wonderful changes in our lives. It is not always easy but it as very much worth it.

Love you Baby!!!

Taron's Thoughts...

After breakfast with the kids I came back home only to return to the school an hour later to pick up a sick Taron. While sitting with me he says.....

"Mom, the Bonnie Hunt show really scared me yesterday."

"Do you mean the guy that said to EAT THIS NOT THAT?" I replied.

"Yes, but also when he said 1 in 3 children in America is obese and at risk for diabetes. We have three kids and well......"

I know what he means. It scared me also. He didn't have to finish the thought.

This Morning . . .

I went to have breakfast with the kids at school....egg and cheese on whole wheat bun.....favorite breakfast day. I have been wanting to go all school year but never did make it. The kids convinced me that moms always come in their pajamas so if I put sweats on it would be OK.

It really is a great experience. The kids like to show me off and it is great to see them with their friends. One sweet girl in particular joined us for breakfast. Let me explain this young woman. Although dressed modestly, her high heals and clothing choice made her look much older than I would have guessed. Immediately upon sitting with us she started talking about the expense of getting her nails done. And yes, they were beautiful hot pink tipped acrylic nails. As we spoke she boldly put out her hand for me to shake as she introduced herself. I was a little surprised with her maturity and then more surprised when she said, "Oh, sorry, I forgot to take my pill this morning." I almost shot milk out my nose. Within a few minutes she told me she didn't like the breakfast attendant because she told her that her make-up was to heavy. Again I almost snorted milk. I PRETENDED to be in shock. Picture this....silvery blue frosted eyeshadow almost to her hairline with a dark frost color in the crease of her eyelid....good technique-wrong age and color and quantity. Then her lips were layered in so much pink gloss you could probably scratch your name in it with your fingernail. She really was precious.

Now imagine me sitting across from her with bed hair, no make-up, no fake nails, my sweats and a black t-shirt. Since when do 6th graders spend more time primping than I do??? And what pill exactly did she forget to take this morning??

Halloween 2009

When you stop and think about it,

Halloween is an absurd tradition.

We dress up (regardless the choice)

as something other than who we are,

go around begging for things we really don't need.

Something about it seems wrong.

Needless to say.....we did it anyway.

Belle went sort of matching her doll (very last minute choice).
Keaton was a security guard...
at ward Trunk-0r-Treat
we were asked if he was
Paul Blart. HMMMM


Taron went with his friend Joseph as well...
New York Yankees players.

The evening started early with ward stuff at 4:30. With that the kids had plenty but the night was young and I figured if we went home I would have to answer the door and pass out candy. Next we ventured over to the mall for a ridiculous walk through.

Let me take a moment and comment on the neglect some people have in demonstrating proper manners for their children. It certainly would have been easy to allow my children to hit each store on their own and not stay in the line slowly moving around the mall. However I felt this a poor demonstration on my part and it would elevate the importance of candy over being kind and gracious. Yet some parents allowed their children to avoid the line and just hop from one store to the next. At first I thought it was older children being obstinate but NO, it was parents teaching their children rules and customs mean nothing when on the hunt for the next pack of smarties.

The Chubbuck Police Department gave tons to the kids in the center court. Well worth the trip around. From there we decided to try again at the Mystique. We were 1 for 3 with Belle being the only one of our children to swipe the full size candy bar from the lap of the skeleton on the stage. Keaton refused to even try. Taron made in on the stage but when the pre-known tall scary man jumped out, Taron ran for the exit. Kids have to go on stage by themselves in order to get the candy bar. Maybe we will do better next year. After that one last stop to Contreras house for a visit and a few minutes of traditional trick or treating. From there we went to Sizzler for dinner after realizing all the kids got a coupon for free kids meal in their adventures that evening. We all ate way to much and Belle and Keaton almost fell asleep before leaving the restaurant.....It was only 8:50 p.m. Needless to say we were all bed before 10:00.