Stillness

Psalms 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God.

Like Edna Pontellier, a character created by Kate Chopin, I long to go to the sea for inspiration.  The Awakening has long been a text I return to frequently for its exploration of female psychological complexity and sheer pleasure in the reading.  I feel close to the water when I read Chopin's words.  While I have no desire to ultimately allow the waters to overtake my life as Edna did, there are times I feel the ocean waves calling to me.  I have infrequently been to the sea, however the memory (along with the physical sensations of the ocean shore) continues so stay at the forefront of my thoughts and dreams.

As it sometimes goes with life, the things I can not control were starting to overshadow those things in which I can.  I can't really say any one particular event or happening stands out above the rest, but a compilation of many small things and a few consistent struggles led me to the sea. 

I didn't tell anyone....not really.  My husband knew of my desire to go and he approved.  That was all I needed.  On a Friday morning Olaya and I embarked on our journey.

Picture us sitting there.  Strangers to everyone around us.  I imagine this lone woman with an infant must have seemed quite peculiar to those we shared our beach with.  Maybe their curiosity in our situation was how we fast made many friends.

 

There was something grand about taking my daughter to the ocean.  In a previous post I mentioned how in literature the ocean is often described as mother or womb like.  Standing at the threshold of her power, I presented Olaya to the sea.  We touched her with our hands and feet and felt the coolness of her hello.  Olaya and the sea became fast friends.  We listened to her speak, strong full tones.  We felt her playful teasing as the waves came closer and closer while we walked along the beach always in respect of her strength and power.  You feel so small standing next to her mass.  All my trials, fears and uncertainties turned into minor grains of sand.

 

I know I have been speaking of the ocean as a female persona, but truth is.....being at the ocean was all about feeling my Heavenly Father all around me.  It was about sitting on a rock along the beach, closing my eyes and breathing in life.  The life my father wants for me.  Amazing the stillness you can feel when surrounded by crashing, thundering waves in constant motion.  Our hotel room sat right on the beach.  There was no air conditioning as the breeze of the water cooled the roomed quite nicely.  While these sounds kept me from sleep the first two nights, it was also pleasant to be in constant thought of the presence of my father. 

(You have no idea how long it took me to get this picture just right.)

I did a lot of thinking, meditating and cleansing while sitting upon these rocks.  But mostly, I was still.

Physically still.  Emotionally still. Spiritually still.