Going Home

Wed morning I will be boarding a plane and heading to San Antonio.with my sister Maria and my mom. My dad left this morning and we will be meeting him there. I wish this trip home was under different circumstances but alas Father has a plan for each of us and I believe my grandmother's mission here is nearing completion.

Miles have separated me from family in Texas for most of my life, however my love for all the Contreras Family is strong. As a child, I was more afraid of the family that spoke a different language, belonged to a different religion and had different customs. Maybe I was not so much afraid, as everything about them seemed like a mystery and I always felt like an observer when in San Antonio. It wasn't until I was an adult and went to Texas that I could appreciate and explore all that I love about my family, San Antonio and the beauty of the part of my heritage so rich in culture.

My heart is breaking for the lack of time ahead. This trip will be an attempt to say goodbye or make it to the funeral. I want to talk to her, listen to her stories and just be near her. I want to sit in her room as she watches Spanish Soaps.

I want to make tamales with her, something I never had a chance to do. I want to show her the mother I have become and share with her my children. I want my husband to meet the woman that has been a hero to me in her love of family and show him how his culture and her culture have so much in common. I want to feel her soft, cool skin around me just one more time. I want to thank her for paving the way for me to enjoy a life full of adventure, education and success that she never could imagine for herself. I want to tell her how beautiful she is. I want to watch her make fresh salsa at the kitchen table. I want to learn more of her life as a migrant worker. I want to tell her I love her and even though I was so far away, she was always in my thoughts.

So as I make preparations to return home, I know there are others preparing for MaMa to come home as well. She will be going home and what a glorious day for her and the loved ones that have gone before. I know there will be celebrations welcoming her home. Her beloved mariachis will play just she has always wanted. The fiesta will be grand and worthy of only a woman so truly wonderful.